Marriage is a roller coaster of ups and downs.
Most of the time, husband and I are clicking, everything is smooth and all is right with the world.
But sometimes, for no discernible reason, we are just out of sync.
For us, that usually means a lot of bickering, easy frustration and just an overall feeling of distance. Usually this happens during times of heightened stress or unforeseen life circumstances.
This has been our life for the past couple of months and our relationship was feeling it.
Sometimes I would think, “How on Earth are we going to get past this?”
The truth is, when Husband and I are out of sync, everything is out of sync. Work seems harder. I’m grumpier with my kids. Traffic is more annoying. The sun isn’t as bright. Everything is just off.
I’m sure you can totally relate.
Here is what I have learned about getting back in sync with each other: it takes effort.
You have to work at getting back on track.
It usually doesn’t just happen randomly on its own. And, the more time you allow yourselves to stay in a place of disconnect, the more risk you take with the overall health and longevity of your marriage.
Over the last few days, we have begun to find our groove again.
For us, the trick to getting back on track, is to go back to the basics.
Click Next for the 3 Ways To Get Back In Sync With Your Spouse:
My husband and I have only been married a year. His ex wife makes it very difficult on us. She strayed in the marriage and now is alone and miserable and doesn’t know how to move on. This causes problems in our marriage cause they do have children together but she finds ways to constantly call and text about thing not related to the kids. We fight alot about it. How do I make him understand my side of this?
Check out my Facebook page. I posted your question and there have been some helpful responses.
Amy, my dear,
Reading from your concern I feel as though you already know the answer. Your husband is not to blame, but the person who is causing all the heartache is his ex. Learn to both laugh at her folly and do not blame your husband for her actions… jealousy is a green eyed monster that will surely ruin you. Learn to enjoy your husband. He has chosen you… I am in a similar situation, and because I know how amazing my fiance is, I can’t help bu feel sorry for his ex when she tries her luck with him. On my end I will keep on making sure that me and him are always happy… and I won’t fall for her trickery to make us fight… Laugh it off
I’m very sorry to hear that you are struggling with this. I don’t have personal experience with this, but I know a lot of married couples struggle in this same area. I’m going to post this out to my Facebook community to see if they have suggestions for you.
I love that idea of saying thank you at the end of every night for the thing your spouse does. That’s brilliant. I’m going to do that.
My wife and I are very out of sync.We have been married for 20 years.We have a 21 year old Daughter.For the most part we do get along.Our biggest arguments are money and sex.But Sex the most.My wife has low libido.And she is on disability.For Fibromyalgia.And not in the mood very much.We have battles about sex.That can last a whole weekend.And sometimes she will literAlly jump out of bed.If I’m doing something she doesn’t want me to.We cannot come to terms.She says I am too needy.She can’t keep up to me.She is not a good candidate for sex.She is tired.She is sore.Etc etc.She is a big woman.And can’t move around.Both of us are at our wits end!!!.She rarely touches me.Where as I love to please her.She says I am with the sting woman.She can’t keep up with me.This has been a big argument for almost our entire marriage.Sometimes I just feel like giving up.And her too.But I love her with all my heart.
Hi Ron. Thank you so much for your honesty and candor. I know it can be very difficult to share such personal things. Let me just say this, I can totally relate. Those same fights that you and your wife have? Those are the exact same fights that husband and I had over and over again. Although, we did not have Fibromyalgia in the mix, I do have some other health issues that have made things challenging.
It is hard to give some good advice without hearing some input from your wife, but I imagine there is much more going on then just her not feeling well or being tired. When arguments over the same thing have been going on this long, especially something as personal as this, it often creates mental walls that go up. Often without us even realizing it. My husband and I are continuously working on breaking down the walls that have been built over years of arguing.
It winds up being so much less about sex then it is about figuring out the emotions of it all. Have you looked into seeing a therapist to help you begin to navigate all of the challenges and hurt? Since you still love her so much, it sounds like it would be worth the investment.
If you want to discuss further you can send me an e-mail at tammy@married-and-naked.com. Thank you again for sharing!!!
I am currently married with my high school sweetheart, I had to move away and 8 years later we reconnected and got married, we’ve been married for a year, he has been away on work for about 4 months and we’ve been bickering over small things and seem out of sync. When we were young we were like the same person what is going on and how can we fix this?
HI Anna. I’m sorry to hear that you and your spouse are struggling. I think distance like that is going to put you out of sync. That would be hard to avoid. You need to spend some time together. Is that possible? Is he far away that you are not able to see him?
Me and my husband been married for 8 years I can’t get him to be intimate with me he never touches me kisses me or anything he has been . Like this for few years now but when he wants it he just want me to turn myself on and please him but I’m saying what about me vee frustrating and makes me feel alone
HI Brittany, I’m sorry to hear about the struggles you are facing in your marriage. I’m sure that feels very hurtful. I wonder what happens when you talk to him about your feelings. Would love to hear more about that.
Tammy, I think you outlined the three most important thing in marriage very well. Staying in sync with our spouse is about not giving up on the intimacy, keep appreciating the other and find quality time to be together. No matter the sync might be lost for a while, we just have to keep loving the other even when we feel distant. Nothing lasts forever, and with patience and care soon everything comes back to where it should be.
Thank you Rachel. Very well said.